Mini Vans...things I ?

"Thank you for informing me you have a stick figure family of 6, your minivan had me under the impression you were wild and single".

                                                                                                                                 Unknown

"This here is a minivan Clark, don't try to keep her she's going home with me". OK I changed it from an RV to a minivan, but still one of my favorite lines from Christmas Vacation.  Don't be jealous, don't be a hater you can buy one as well.  First there is this big fat handicap sticker on the side that says "Please park at least 8 feet from this vehicle ".  Are you kidding me!  You're lucky to get 8"! Then there is another handicap sticker on the back that says, this van was handicap converted by so and so. So if the big ass handicap license plate doesn't warn you the stickers will. I'm cool and driving well riding in a fucking minivan (here on known as a fucking minivan) shouldn't  that alone tell you to back off!



Here's how she works, the hydraulics kick in and one side of the van lowers,  just like Cheech and Chong (only one side lowers). All but has the dingle balls, fur dash, and curtains. I think I am going to have the song Low Riders automatically come on so when she starts you'll hear "All my friends love the low rider, the low rider is a little higher, do do do do do do do do do do do do do. (now that song will be going through my head all day). So the side door slowly comes open, the auto ramp comes sliding out like a transformer, wait here I come rolling down the ramp ...with my do rag, sleeveless vest and a pile of smoke coming from the fucking minivan.  Told you I was cool.

Wait where is the smoke????

As much as I hate to admit it, it is going to make my life so much easier.  I went to see Cinderella with Channa, Justin, and the babies and it was heaven to roll in and roll out without having to wait for someone to put the wheelchair in the back come around and help you transfer to the seat, oh wait I guess it's transfer first out of chair put chair in back of car. Must have been the smoke coming from the fucking minivan. Whatever it was a pain in the ass! But for now I have found a little freedom that won't wear me out by just getting in and out of the car.  Still Cool. 

So now I get to go to the decorative center and wallow in wallpaper and fabrics for the first time in a year. I'll go proudly in my fucking minivan...well....I will go. Maybe I can carry a magic wand to knock people out of my way like the designing peasants they are.  Swish move bitch,  swish swish I'm coming through so get the hell out of my way. I kinda like this magic wand idea! Well technically if I had a magic wand no one would ever be sick and I would be married to David Beckham but I would still use it to get people the hell out of my way.

I know my last post was a pissy and a little 'wine-y' (pun totally intended), sometimes I'm in that mood, sometimes I'm in a smart ass mood like today.  I personally prefer the smart ass as mood that is what I really like in other people. So if your a smart ass kudos to you I'm sure we could be friends. If not loosen up a little and go buy a fucking minivan.


Here's a little heads up (shocker): I can't spell worth a damn, I don't always know where to put comma's, blah blah blah,  I may put whether instead of weather or vice versa.  I missed those important things to know in school because I was too busy drawing on the test rather than taking it. So for all of you perspicacious people out there I apologize but what you get is me, flaws and all.



Fucking minivan on.......

Sue "CiCi" Cook