Luck...Things I Love

"I eat cake because it's somebody's birthday"

Wow what a lucky person I am.  My beautiful daughter and my sister (from another set of parents) threw me the best birthday party ever!  First of all my beautiful daughter flew my mom in as a surprise.  How she pulled that off I will never know.

Then my daughter and Dar decorated my whole house with beautiful quilts and tons of flowers! When I say tons I mean tons.  There were Roses, Hydrangeas, Gerbera Daisies, Tulips and some I don't know the names of.  It was a pink (duh) orange and white explosion.  Some of the flowers were in large clear vases and some were in Darla's precious glass wear that Tim found for her on their ranch.  The table had my favorite raspberry quilt of Dar's with the flowers and candles on top. I loved every inch of it!

They wouldn't let me see it until right before the party and when I saw it I almost cried.  They thought of everything.  Food from Mi Cocina's, drinks, wine in hot pink wine glasses, watermelon vodka drinks from my son and law.

Speaking of my son in law... Me being me decided the week before the party I wanted a new nook table.  So I asked Justin to make me a table.  What's he going to say, no?  I mean I'm his mother in law with the Shit Ass Disease.  Any way he made me a beautiful table with a gorgeous herringbone top, criss cross legs and tall enough to get my wheelchair under! What a son in law.

Now my granddaughter topped everything off with a hand made birthday banner.  She is 6 for God's sake! Not only did she make the banner she decorated the table outside!  Martha Stewart has nothing on this 6 year old!

I just had a few of my favorite people come.  But that is what makes a great party. I love everyone that came.

                                 

This isn't a good shot of flowers, but beautiful anyway.

More flowers.

Flowers (in case you couldn't tell)

Tim and Dar

Brittany and Katy

JJ and Chris

Laura and Dar

She made this banner and decorated the table by herself.

Ms. Sassy Pants

Sweet babies.

YUM!

Dar, pink hair don't care and my 87 year old mother.

Mom, Channa and me.

Birthday on...

Sue "CiCi" Cook

Dr. Death...Things I Hate

I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Death a few weeks back.  He was so charming and what a personality Dr.  Death had to go with all that charm. Dr. Death is no idiot, no, no he is a Neuromuscular  Pulmologist. There are only two in the Dallas/Ft Worth area, so man was I lucky to get in!  I thought I was getting my breathing tested. He started our conversation with the steps one by one of my death. I won't go into details, but boy did he.

To make a long story short he said I would next be needing a Tracheotomy, I started to tell him I wasn't going to do that...he snapped at me he wasn't finished.  Channa knew he was dead in the water at the moment.  He went  on to say I would also need a feeding tube. When the little prick got finished I told him I would not be getting either one.  He said well then you at some point will need to call Hospice.  He said I would be given the choice to die whenever I choose. He went into detail on how that would happen.  I actually felt a little peace in that information. I did, however ask him what would be the difference between Hospice giving me drugs, taking me off my breathing machine and me swallowing a bunch oh pills on my own. He said, "that would be suicide". that made total sense to me. Hospice is taking me off of something that is keeping me alive to die naturally.  Big difference. Hospice will my choice, which I am now using.

Now the hard part...family.  Dr. Death said as long as you have something to live for you can live as long as you like.  Well isn't that a contradiction you little fuck!  I of course jumped in and said, I couldn't disagree with you more, so did Channa.  I wanted to jump out of my wheelchair and strangle him to near death and ask him how it feels? Of course I have reasons to live, but at what cost? The loss of every part of my body, the no dignity left and, the tears that flow every time fifty times a day that I and either Mike or Channa perform another one of those indignities?

Now the second hard part.  When?  What a decision to make.  I love my family so much.  How do you say good bye to them and die when you have a perfectly clear mind, but your body has completely stopped working. H ow do you say good bye to those beautiful grand-babies that only know me as their CiCi. They have literally known me their entire lives. How do you tell them good bye and I love you more than you will ever imagine.  They are so young and I will miss their whole lives here on earth.  Breaks my heart.  Then there is Channa. She has already lost a brother and now to lose a mother and a best friend. She will be left with her father, whom there are struggles with. Thank GOD she has her husband and children to love and get her through this. Again breaks my heart. Then there is Mike. To be married to one person for 42 years, then poof they are gone out of your life forever.

Now the easy part.  I will get to see Chase after 17 years. I will get to touch his beautiful face. I can see us now sitting on a cloud, turning lights on and off to freak out people we love and anything else we can think off. I will have my body back and I will run and run and float in the most beautiful pool you could ever imagine surrounded by flowers and over looking a beach with water the color of the waters of  Nice, France. And most importantly I will meet Jesus. What a pleasure and honor that will be. To finally meet someone I have talked to on a daily basis for most of my life.

So I am not sure what day I will choose but it will be soon. I am tired but have things I need to take care of first.  So for now I will just stress daily on the when..


Stress on...
Sue "CiCi"Cook